Pastor Craig
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Standing Firm. Well it’s been one hell of a journey so far. Here as I sit and reflect on the events of the last couple of years. All I can say is wow. The first 2 years after my accident my mind was in a tailspin. I had to relearn so much and I am still learning. With out a doubt this has changed me. As wild as it sounds with all the abandonment, exploitation and just plain meanness, I have become softer more caring but more importantly I truly understand the fight. Some people don’t like that word fight but there comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. A time where the principles which form your soul, and the actions that speak of your life. That you live by them, and do the best you can.
So many people basically disowned me because I change so drastically. But of course a loving wife to help with the destruction magnifies the situation. But here lays the deal, which to this moment in time messes with my mind. If she didn’t do what she did would I have fought to find answers. Or would I have been complacent as so many other survivors do. Would I have gotten involved with brain injury groups and searched out the, what is what. To find that it is just a big mess as far as consistency in treatment and care. Would I have been blessed with all the awesome people I am meeting and battling with such as the doctors, neurologists, lawyers and many other professionals? All wanting to make a difference in their community.
I would have to answer that with a no. And as hard as it is God needed for this to happen. Now mind you it consumes my soul of the losses in my life to get me to this point. But if I never had those losses I would not be as passionate about education people of this life changing injury. And for me to serve someone totally self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered would not suit Gods purpose. But I have to tell you it brings me to my knees in sorrow that it has to be this way. The pain this has caused and the reality of how harsh the truth really is tares the very essence of each fiber in my soul.
As I struggle with my health my wish would have been that I died in the accident. That I never got to experience the hate someone could have for me. I’ll never be the same. But I will do what God puts before me; I will be the best father I can be. I will make a difference in the lives of the people in my community. I will serve my God with all my heart and soul. And the joy that this brings me that God can take a mess like me to glorify Him. I am proud that I can do what I do. But the guilt of knowing death is my deepest desire. That I don’t want to love again ponders on my mind of my own salvation.
But as with anything, it does not come cheap. My battles seem to be starting over again, all I want is fairness and justice in my life. In the live of our soldiers and survivors of brain injury. In the lives of those with different abilities. I have fought for the underdog most of my life, now I have been given the privilege to be the underdog. The battle we are in is a battle for our right to be, our right to fairness. Our right to live our lives.
From the beginning I have not been treated fairly. While I was suffering sever amnesia and the after math of a sever brain injury. My ex put her plan for freedom into action. She freed herself of all her debt and put it on my back. File for a divorce, took my children and friends away and continued to work on any friends I might have left. Her attacks were relentless and cruel. All the time I never lost my love. Even to this day it is still there. Now I must fight for the survival of my kids. Her intentions are to take them away. In her mind they have become her kids. This is the ultimate advocacy battle, the right to love your children and be part of their lives.
I find that my children want me to make them a family, now this is a hard one for someone who’s heart has been so hardened. But for them I will learn to soften it. To show them what a family really is. To show them what life is really meant for. To teach people about the love of Christ, and doing His work at all cost.
I have recently had a wake up call that haunts my mind and soul. My daughter has informed me that her mom wants full custody. I have been very passive to this point, always being there when she need help with the children, which I will always be there for my children till the day I die. I was having some worse than usual headaches and needed a couple of days for myself and this issue came up. I will stand up for my rights and not be walked all over. I will remain fair but I will not accept anything less than equality. It took me a long time to understand I did not do anything wrong. The accident was not my fault. I was and remain a great, loving and caring father. No one will take that away from me.
This meant humbling myself to support from where ever I can find it. I am unable to work full time at this point but am starting to do some part time work. I need to take it slow and re-integrate slowly. I could have done ok with some support before but rather than any support my life would be sabotaged by my ex. She would actually call my boss and friends, share every struggle I would have all the while trying to show them what a good person she is. With out a brain injury a person would have problems with such unethical acts. Needless to say she was able to destroy my character and my boss and friends character. I was the most loyal employee you could ever have, but the secrecy and deception of these inappropriate actions made it impossible to continue on that path. Little did I know that path would lead me to where I am today? I believe God’s plans can be achieved many different ways. It is our choose how difficult it is.
As I prepare to fight for fairness and justice, my main and only motive is what is best for my children. No longer can I just survive I must thrive and teach my children right from wrong. What a good person is and someone with a fork tongue. I need to teach them it is the actions of people that you judge them by. My children are so smart they so know what is happening more so than myself. If we take the time we can learn a lot from our children. Not only should you be a parent but a best friend as well. In the end everything works out and balances, that’s where God says patience is a virtue.
And through Gods grace and mercy I am surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people who share the same goals. Who want to change our world? I get the honor of being part of a movement with thousands of people in my state. It is up to us what we do with it. I pray that God gives me wisdom and a soft and open heart to do His work as He would do it. With love, kindness and the only motive to truly help and make a difference. Its not about us, we must put our own selfish ways behind us and move forward. Embrace one another with the love our God fills us with.
I will ad to this as I can; these stories are very emotional and painful as I accept the reality of an unforgiving world.
God Bless Enjoy some of the videos about standing firm Pastor Craig What is hell like, the hell I have been put through hell on earth by the love of my life, now I must focus on my eternal soul knowing that forever is along time. The pain and torment I have been put through I did not deserve but if I go to Hell I will have deserved it. I am plagued by the nightmares of people who would do the devils work to destroy my walk with Jesus. Jesus will win if I let Him lead me in my life.
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pastor Craig Sicilia productions
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