Gods Path

PASTOR CRAIG

Gods Path

Here we are almost 3 years into my injury, and things are as crazy and mixed up as ever. We talk about Gods path, but what does it mean to follow God’s path. Does it mean we will enjoy it, or like it? Well the truth of it is God’s path is inedible and one way or another it is going to happen. His will shall always triumph in the end. This whole commission has been more than I have bargained for. I still cannot help but think He picked the wrong person. It just proves if I can do His will anyone can. As I write this, the only regret I have is I did not die in the accident. I wonder to myself if I am the biggest wiener God ever called for a purpose. And the big question is am I really doing His purpose. Or is everything an illusion in my mind. I love going to check out different churches one of my favorite is LIFE center and Pastor Joe, he seems to be on cue to feed my spirit and answer a lot of questions. As he calls it, its one of those God coincidences, that leave you asking what the heck, did that just happen. And for a moment with out a doubt you knew God was working in your life.

As my health seems to be getting worse, doors just keep opening everywhere; it is the most amazing thing. God is blessing so much in my life. The old me would not have been able to give the glory to God, it would have been about what I could do, what I did, when it was really never about me. Now as I have no control over my life and my emotions, I try to understand His will in my life. It becomes a complicated thing, which is every evolving and changing as the needs of people change. And the events that have got me to the place that I am with out a doubt are of God, and were the only way that I would have gotten here. I had to literally lose all those things not of God, my parents, my wife, most of my siblings and lots of friends. God put my life in line with what He needed me to do. He knows I will do it, I might complain the whole way but the bottom line is I will do His will. For the first time in my life I come last and everything else matters.

It would seem that everything that happened was to direct me in a path I still do not understand. I was in a dreamland, I thought I was loved and cared for. That would be that furthest thing from the truth. I can remember my last new years with my family I knew that it was over, that no one cared and it devastated me. I can remember my ex’s father saying were your family we will always be here for you, I would never see them again. My ex saying I want to grow old with you but every time I would struggle with my injury she would punish me. Every time I would reach for help the only way I could muster up she would attack me. She would destroy the foundation to every friendship and family member she could. I just let her I had no fight in me. The only time I would be able to fight when my children were concerned. Till this day she tells me what a good person she is. I wonder what makes her think she is a good person. The fact that she totally destroyed her family for selfish reasons. Maybe the fact she would say I cheated and play mind games on me so she could justify committing adultery. Or maybe the smack she talks to everyone.

Just a short little story of how much smack she talks. I knew quite a bit of what she was saying to people I knew. But not to long ago I went to pick up my kids and her neighbor George begins to threaten me in front of my children, telling me what a bad dad I am, and how I mess with my children’s minds. Now mind you I never met this man before in my life. So everything is based on conversations between my x and him. I do not allow my children to talk bad about their mom. I don’t allow anyone to talk bad about there mom. It seems it would only be me, for some reason it benefits her to believe that I was this bad person. But actions speak louder than words and she has shown no action. My children are smart they know the truth. Part of my writing is so my children will know the truth when they get older. Our family falling apart was all of her doing. She wanted to be with someone else so bad she would do anything. Her family meant nothing to her. But she is a good person, hmmm. I am not going to judge God will judge us. I have plenty of my own issues and sin to worry about anyone else’s.

I do find it all interesting how God can use me as much of a mess as I am inside to do good. I do not want to be among the living. I am tired, overloaded by how unforgiving a world we live in, even when we do nothing wrong except get hurt. How things are changed around that how awful it is for them. I have a procedure coming up. Most people pray for a success in my heart I pray for God to bring me home. My salvation rides this thin line, and I do believe with all my heart that Jesus died for my sins. But will he, can he forgive me for wishing I died in the accident rather than go through all of this garbage. Even though I know this is His path in my life, the deep pain by the deception of a love that was fake, torments my soul.

Can my children forgive me, they have the most hurt. Their lives got messed up because of bad medical care, people with no values, and I see the pain inside. I see how much they love me and me them. But the deep scares to my heart and soul just because someone is selfish and self centered. All I dream of is when I can finally be with God and this pain go away. Then that lingering feeling that I am skating this line of salvation. That I need to forgive everyone in my heart. Life can be so complicated, I believe in my heart that if I remarry I might to be committing adultery.

All of this pain in my life has enabled God to do great things through me. He needed me to lose myself to do what I am doing. I truly don’t care about me. I have no hope of a happy life in this world. I will die lonely and unloved. There is no hope of going back to how things were. I am paying a price that I deserve for my sin, and my families sin, but I can break my cycle in my daughter’s lives. I have read the bible several times since my accident and have truly studied it. And my life and family have bee defiled and as things are God cannot bless it. The worldly desires of a selfish self-centered person have decided this for my daughters and me. And in the bible God tells me to stand firm in the place I was, and I did and His blessing have been far beyond anything I could imagine. And I know I deserve none of His grace, but He pours it out anyway because He loves me. I want to share a part of the bible that helps me keep in perspective that I must follow His plan and the truth to how things are. And the last verse in Jeremiah 2 echoes in my brain. Its in red, read it and then read all Jeremiah 2 and then remember that last verse. My God is just and I accept the price of my salvation and I will do what I believe is His path in my life. But the pain and headaches are a constant reminder of a world I wish I never saw.

37 You will also leave that place
       with your hands on your head,
       for the LORD has rejected those you trust;
       you will not be helped by them.

12 Be appalled at this, O heavens,
and shudder with great horror,"
declares the LORD.

13 "My people have committed two sins:
       They have forsaken me,
       the spring of living water,
       and have dug their own cisterns,
       broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

14 Is Israel a servant, a slave by birth?
Why then has he become plunder?

15 Lions have roared;
       they have growled at him.
       They have laid waste his land;
       his towns are burned and deserted.

16 Also, the men of Memphis ^[e] and Tahpanhes
have shaved the crown of your head. ^[f]

17 Have you not brought this on yourselves
by forsaking the LORD your God
when he led you in the way?

18 Now why go to Egypt
       to drink water from the Shihor ^[g] ?
       And why go to Assyria
       to drink water from the River ^[h] ?

19 Your wickedness will punish you;
       your backsliding will rebuke you.
       Consider then and realize
       how evil and bitter it is for you
       when you forsake the LORD your God
       and have no awe of me,"
       declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.

20 "Long ago you broke off your yoke
       and tore off your bonds;
       you said, 'I will not serve you!'
       Indeed, on every high hill
       and under every spreading tree
       you lay down as a prostitute.

21 I had planted you like a choice vine
       of sound and reliable stock.
       How then did you turn against me
       into a corrupt, wild vine?

22 Although you wash yourself with soda
       and use an abundance of soap,
       the stain of your guilt is still before me,"
       declares the Sovereign LORD.

23 "How can you say, 'I am not defiled;
       I have not run after the Baals'?
       See how you behaved in the valley;
       consider what you have done.
       You are a swift she-camel
       running here and there,

24 a wild donkey accustomed to the desert,
       sniffing the wind in her craving—
       in her heat who can restrain her?
       Any males that pursue her need not tire themselves;
       at mating time they will find her.

25 Do not run until your feet are bare
       and your throat is dry.
       But you said, 'It's no use!
       I love foreign gods,
       and I must go after them.'

26 "As a thief is disgraced when he is caught,
       so the house of Israel is disgraced—
       they, their kings and their officials,
       their priests and their prophets.

27 They say to wood, 'You are my father,'
       and to stone, 'You gave me birth.'
       They have turned their backs to me
       and not their faces;
       yet when they are in trouble, they say,
       'Come and save us!'

28 Where then are the gods you made for yourselves?
       Let them come if they can save you
       when you are in trouble!
       For you have as many gods
       as you have towns, O Judah.

29 "Why do you bring charges against me?
You have all rebelled against me,"
declares the LORD.

30 "In vain I punished your people;
       they did not respond to correction.
       Your sword has devoured your prophets
       like a ravening lion.

31 "You of this generation, consider the word of the LORD :
       "Have I been a desert to Israel
       or a land of great darkness?
       Why do my people say, 'We are free to roam;
       we will come to you no more'?

32 Does a maiden forget her jewelry,
       a bride her wedding ornaments?
       Yet my people have forgotten me,
       days without number.

33 How skilled you are at pursuing love!
Even the worst of women can learn from your ways.

34 On your clothes men find
       the lifeblood of the innocent poor,
       though you did not catch them breaking in.
       Yet in spite of all this

35 you say, 'I am innocent;
       he is not angry with me.'
       But I will pass judgment on you
       because you say, 'I have not sinned.'

36 Why do you go about so much,
       changing your ways?
       You will be disappointed by Egypt
       as you were by Assyria.

37 You will also leave that place
       with your hands on your head,
       for the LORD has rejected those you trust;
       you will not be helped by them.

pastor Craig Sicilia productions